Dirty Liar
by Habitations
Summary: Edward swears he didn't mean to. oneshot


**[EDIT: 2/28/09]** I won the contest! THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO VOTED FOR ME! YOU ALL DESERVE GIANT EDWARD-SHAPED COOKIES! ;A;

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**[EDIT: 2/12/09]** Oh wow! Thank you so much **Curry Kitty** for nominating me for **Otaku Online Stop's Best Fanfiction (for February)**! GO VOTE FOR ME GAIZ! X3

**Another note:** After re-reading this a day later, I suddenly realized how awkward this fanfic turned out. So I'm going to go through it again and fix it up...again. XD -sweat-

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**Livi:** Lol. I found this ancient piece-of-crap rotting in my old hard drive and decided it was worth the trouble of fixing up and posting.

No crits. Like I said before, this is REALLY old (like, four years maybe?). I just felt it deserved better than my file freezer locker. Also, I am _very_ aware of its rather…fleeting length. But the original was only, like, one paragraph, and I didn't exactly have much to work with anyway. So I milked it out as much as I could, which truthfully isn't much, but hey, it's for the lulz, amirite? –shot-

**Disclaimer:** No, FMA is not mine. Just the fanfic. Please don't sue.

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"PERVERT!"

She slapped him.

"IDIOT!"

She slapped him again

"FREAK!"

She slapped him at least ten times before he kicked her away.

"Damnit, Winry! I swear I didn't mean to!" Edward yelled back, blushing and nose bleeding. But Winry showed no signs of giving any mercy. She raised her now wrench-armed hand in preparation for a devastating blow and Edward frantically tried to sputter out something, _anything_ that would prevent him from experiencing a very painful death.

"I-IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" He managed to stammer out. Winry, unprepared for this outburst, hesitated for a mere second. But that second was all Edward needed to get a good head start down the street.

Unfortunately for him, Winry had no intention of letting him off for this transgression, and immediately gave chase.

"I HATE YOU EDWARD!" She screamed and threw her wrench at him, successfully smacking him dead-on in the back of the head and knocking him down.

She marched over and towered over him menacingly, an intense fire of utter vexation blazing in her eyes. He knew what this meant. He'd seen it himself on a few very, very painful occasions. And to this day he still wished he hadn't.

Edward shook with obvious fear of the wrench-wielding demoness, there was no way he was going to get out of this one (alive anyway) unless he did something drastic enough to get her to spare his life. And as Winry once again held her metal weapon of certain instant death (when had she gotten that back?) over his blonde head with exactly that intent, he quickly decided the life was more important than pride.

"Please! Winry!" He begged, arms held above him and eyes clamped shut in a pitiful looking defence against the aforementioned instrument of torture, "Please don't hit me! Pleeease! I'm begging you! I swear I didn't mean to do it! I-I'll never do it again! Just please don't hit me!"

It was an honest plea. Hell, even the tiny tears gathering in the corners of his eyes were genuine. In fact, Edward was now a perfectly painted picture of an obviously scared-shitless boy who just happened to be caught doing something that he never usually does and probably did it on accident or had a relatively reasonable excuse for doing so and now is being wrongly and brutally punished for it.

In the back of his head, Edward idly wondered if anyone had come up with a better way of phrasing that (besides 'typical human male', that is). He was pretty damn sure that this situation was more than relatively commonplace within his gender (considering how many times he had been an unfortunate bystander to an even more unfortunate and unlucky Roy Mustang getting gunned down by an oh-so trigger-happy Riza Hawkeye), so it wouldn't be unreasonable assume that someone somewhere must've had the bright idea to come up with some sort of easy-to-remember term to refer to it in casual conversation.

How the hell any conversation using that term could possibly be casual, however, was totally beyond him.

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud sigh, and he opened his eyes just in time to see Winry's look of utter exasperation before she let her death-weapon (a.k.a. wrench holding hand) fall limply, if not a little dramatically, to her side.

Edward let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding and relaxed a bit, only to tense up again when Winry suddenly put her hands on her hips, which were tilted in a way and angle that only women seemed to be able to pull off (not that he'd tried it himself or anything. Especially not in the wee hours of the morning in front of the body-length mirror in his dorm in Central. Definitely not.), and gave him a look that made his blood go cold.

"You swear it was an accident?"

Edward nodded vigorously.

She narrowed her eyes threateningly, "And you _swear_ you'll never do it again?"

Again, Edward nodded.

Winry then suddenly gave a frighteningly sweet smile and bent over so she was right in his face, "Good. Cause if I ever catch you doing it again…you know what will happen." she chirped in a sickeningly sing-song voice as she twirled her wrench in one hand.

Edward gulped nervously and slowly nodded once more.

"As long as you understand." She said, that disgusting and yet so very scary smile still in place, as she straightened herself and walked past him briskly.

But as she walked by, he couldn't help but steal a glance at her slightly bouncing breasts.

_Fin~_

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**Livi:** In case you didn't get it (it is kinda vague): Edward got caught staring at Winry's breasts and she flipped out on him. So there. –shot again-

**Read & Review please!**


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